Dating is kind of like traveling abroad: at first it’s exciting but then you start waking up in weird-smelling places, run out of money, and realize that you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. Specifically, when you’re dating women in Nairobi, you’re liable to notice some common threads running through the local dating pool. From the highest of high maintenance to borderline trainwrecks, these are the 10 worst types of chics to date in Nairobi.
1. The “One of the Guys” Chick
Place of residence: Donholm, South B or Rongai
Her life: She has too many male friends. She says stuff like “mzito,” “buda,” and “ngori.” She knows how to open a beer bottle with her teeth, because she grew up with five brothers. She listens to Young Thug and thinks that Khaligraph is super handsome.
Your first date: You don’t have to take her anywhere. She comes to your place, you eat lunch or supper then you bang continuously. She tells you she doesn’t like CDs so you bang her raw anyway coz her ass and titties are too fine
The inevitable breakup: She gives you an STD or you eventually get jealous and uncomfortable coz of her legions of male buddies who you suspect are smashing her.
2. The Fame Seeker
Place of residence: A cheap servants quarter in one of Nairobi’s posh estates
Her Life: She’s an upcoming singer, model. Radio presenter, actor or video vixen.
Your first date: Some expensive restaurant in Westlands or at a coffee shop in a mall. She probably told you she doesn’t do cheap stuff. You end up spending about 3k on the date yet she refuses to give you the goodies the same day. You still decide to hold on to her because she is hot and has style